By Amy Morgan

Danny Panter serves as the Associate Pastor for Logos Worship and NextGen Marrieds at First Baptist Church of San Antonio. He and his wife, Anna, came to the church in fall of 2014 to lead its contemporary worship gathering, manage several Sunday School classes for married couples, and supervise community missions. They did not have to start at ground zero to prioritize marriage ministry at First Baptist. The church had already laid the foundation for a marriage ministry by hosting an event with Dr. Gary Chapman, offering semi-regular date night events, and securing pastoral support.

Danny’s first step was to meet with a small group of couples passionate about growing marriage ministry to dream together about how to take their vision forward. They started a weekly small group they called Marriage Strong Conversations to provide more structure for their endeavors. Next was re-formatting their existing date night to create what has now become Marriage in 3D.

The goal of the event is to provide every couple with a fun yet meaningful evening that jumpstarts conversations on the way home. Sometimes it’s an activity, sometimes a speaker, but each time they hope the offering is engaging, lighthearted and appealing to both husbands and wives. Couples leave with a communication catalyst about topics such as: How can we share our expectations of one another and marriage. How can we connect and have fun evenings?

Recent programs include a jazz pianist who played while applying life lessons he learned through music to marriage. Last spring, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn spoke. Others featured a comedian, a game night and a Christian folk music concert.

Marriage in 3D couples drop their kids off at the church at 6 p.m. for free childcare then head out for a meal. First Baptist is located in the heart of San Antonio’s downtown, which offers a plethora of easily accessible restaurants from which to choose. Couples return for the 8-9:30 p.m. program. First Baptist provides coffee and “a fantastic dessert,” as well as door prizes, Danny said. A big hit was a couples’ massage donated by a local business.

First Baptist holds Marriage in 3D events three times a year – the end of January, the first Friday in June, and in late October. Attendance usually averages between 70-80 couples, and Danny said last year they reached 120-150 unique couples, not all of whom attend church at First Baptist.

Each Marriage in 3D event concludes with an invitation for couples to follow up with other resources, including joining the next re|engage class. re|engage is the second arm under the umbrella of First Baptist’s Marriage Strong offerings. Danny said members of the core group selected re|engage as First Baptist’s week-to-week program for marriage enrichment because it is Gospel-centric and marriage tested. He didn’t have to start from scratch or create something new. re|engage was created by highly regarded Watermark, which provides strong support, resources and guidelines. Danny appreciates that the curriculum helps couples see their marriage through the lens of the Gospel while providing them the tools to extend forgiveness, grace and mercy to create oneness. “re|engage consistently points people back to the scriptures,” Danny said. “Both husband and wife bring stuff to marriage – there’s no throwing people under the bus. The average couple in churches is not living out marriage based on the Gospel and what we find true in scripture,” he continued. “Christian couples have grown up in church thinking they’ll just work marriage out. No one has modeled it or mentored it. No one arrives. We all need Gospel touches every day.”

First Baptist offers the 14-week class twice a year, in the fall and spring. Groups begin as open to all, then as couples begin to bond, they close so that the same couples can continue to connect more deeply. re|engage started strong at First Baptist, but they are rebuilding the program again after Covid put a damper on meetings. Danny estimates First Baptist has had 130 couples complete re|engage.

The third area of First Baptist’s ministry to marriages is a Super Saturday premarital class held three times a year to coincide with wedding seasons. Prior to their attendance at the all-day event, a couple will complete a SYMBIS assessment, which one of First Baptist’s volunteer leaders will use as part of the program. Super Saturday qualifies as a Twogether in Texas provider, which affords those who complete it with a discount on their marriage license fee. Two First Baptist couples who were some of the original attendees of the Marriage Strong Conversations group have spearheaded the Super Saturday event. They facilitate the details and take turns leading the sections, although they do ask Danny to lead the session on sexuality. “They want to make sure that a very clear biblical sexual ethic is shared, along with God’s design for marriage,” Danny said. “I’ve had couples come up afterward and tell me how thankful they are I addressed the elephant in the room for them.”

First Baptist provides a light breakfast, lunch, and all the materials and training. Danny said. Super Saturday is a great outreach. Prior to Covid, they would regularly expect 10-15 couples per session. Now they hosted a steady five, and typically none are church members. Super Saturday is just one example of how volunteer lay couples provide the boots on the ground to power a marriage ministry. Danny reflected about how he was able to recruit and inspire those couples to participate.

“God began placing couples in our path who wanted to have the conversation about marriage ministry,” he said. “They were clearly likeminded people. We dreamed, prayed together and launched.” He advises others to pray that God brings people forward who are passionate and gifted and to be willing to have conversations with people about marriage ministry. Start small, maybe with a home group, and see whose ears perk up. He also mentioned that although the church is still regaining momentum from Covid, the leaders remain very connected.

First Baptist’s downtown location, while ideal for Marriage in 3D, presents a challenge in that it is not a residential area. Danny describes their church as a regional church, with the typical family driving 30-40 minutes from all parts of the city to attend in person. In fact, students in their youth program originate from more than 10 school districts – not just high schools. Part of being a regional church means people need to commit to travel time. Danny has found that “if you provide something meaningful and consistent that blesses others, they are willing to drive.”

He also mentioned taking small groups out to homes, especially mid-week, to build community without expecting people to return downtown. Participants can rotate homes from week to week to share the burden of hosting and the load of the commute, he added.

Danny’s recruited leaders from the Marriage Strong Conversations group as well as those who’ve come through re|engage. “re|engage puts such emphasis on your marriage story, and odds are it resonates with other marriage stories,” he said. “We don’t have to have everything together to have an impact on other people. We have told people God intends to use their marriage to bless others. We say all the time, ‘He has put you together for a purpose.’ The couples we recruit are passionate about something in particular. They usually are not surprised when we say, ‘How about you?’”

Danny said his aim as he selects programs for the church is for First Baptist to provide comprehensive resources that meet the need of every stage of marriage. Under the umbrella of First Baptist’s Marriage Strong program, they help couples get ready with Super Saturday, then they help couples have fun and stay connected along the way with Marriage in 3D and re|engage, which also applies to couples in crisis.

“You don’t have to create something,” he said. “Such great work has been done for us that we can implement in successful ways and tweak to fit our own culture.” He also reminds leaders that it is not necessary to start with a huge team — just two or three couples willing to begin something small and simple. First Baptist started building their existing Marriage in 3D program, then when they reached a critical mass of leadership then added re|engage, then Super Saturday. It was a natural progression.

What about those couples in crisis? Danny said it doesn’t take long for a couple to move beyond a pastor’s training and capabilities. He noted a number of couples over the years where one of the spouses struggles with narcissism, or there’s been emotional abuse, areas in which he doesn’t feel qualified to counsel. First Baptist maintains close relationships with counselors they trust. He also looks to San Antonio Marriage Initiative’s list of curated, trusted professionals for community referrals.

When asked how he manages the details of hosting marriage events Danny admitted to the luxury of having a wonderful administrative assistant. “When there’s an event coming forward, she’s months ahead,” he said. Another key is to find really qualified people who are better at that task and handing some responsibilities to them, he suggested.

How about senior pastor buy-in and budget? Danny said he inherited both approval from church leadership as well as a small budget for NextGen Marriage that covered the cost of four existing Bible study groups. As Marriage in 3D, re|engage and Super Saturday grew, he asked for line-item funding for those events that included promotion.

“We are not a huge church, but we’re not a small church. Department heads come together and present their own budgets to the finance committee,” he said. “It helps to cast a clear vision and connect the dots as to why marriages are important to the life of a church. Healthy marriages mean healthy churches, healthy churches mean vibrant missions.” Part of the budget process includes planning with the Marriage Strong team members annually to place marriage events on the church calendar for approval and funding in advance.

Obviously, as a marriage pastor, Danny is passionate about marriage. He describes his motivation: “When we read the Bible it’s very clear God made marriage for a purpose. Until Jesus returns, we want that purpose to flourish in every single couple,” he said. “Marriages are unique in that they, more than any other institution, demonstrate a longing for fulfilling relationships. Marriage has a Gospel purpose.” First Baptist hopes every couple in their church will go through re|engage by 2027. Danny said several couples have come to faith in Christ through one of Marriage Strong’s programs, which led to their becoming members of First Baptist’s church family and then part of their marriage ministry team.

“Their doorway into their journey with Jesus was through marriage ministry, and they’ve continued to be part of that work. We’ve seen transformation, healing and opportunities for couples to join with God and what he’s doing,” Danny said.

Words of advice for those who want to be more intentional about serving marriages or starting a marriage ministry in their church: first, pray for likeminded people and have several meaningful conversations with church leadership and your senior pastor. Once God has put another couple or two with you, decide on something small with which to begin. It could be a couples’ Bible study or a home group. Choose a book to read together and talk about in your home. That’s a great way to connect with other couples from your neighborhood or the school your children attend. The Panters have invited five or six couples to meet at their home and work through marriage books together.

“People felt very comfortable in our home. It was Gospel hospitality,” Danny said. He also reminds those with a heart for marriage to avail themselves of the Marriage Initiative’s resources and framework to get started. As he often tells his team, “God has put you together for a purpose.” So let God’s purpose shine through you.