Written By: Amy Morgan

A Community Marriage Initiative like SAMI engages local leaders in key roles to encourage, promote, and support community-wide implementation of marriage ministries in local churches with the purpose of strengthening marriages and families and reducing local divorce rates. In 2021 SAMI leadership decided to formalize the system of mentorship and support they’d been sharing with others wishing to follow their example. They named the new entity City Project, which created a pathway of steps through which those with a passion for marriage could focus their efforts most effectively.

Here’s how Melissa and Brady Vandeberg are following the model as they partner with City Project to implement the Wyoming Strong Families Initiative in their community around Casper, Wyoming.

The first step: begin in prayer. Seek the Lord before jumping into designing projects and tackling practical details.

Pillar 1 - community vision:

Build a leadership team to guide the organization. “Carl very wisely told us to step back and pray and start gathering a team of people,” Melissa said. “It truly needs to be a movement, not just your project. People want to own their role in it. You need to be surrounded by people who have the same passion.”

The Vandebergs saw God answer that prayer when he brought them another couple — long-time friends with ties to Wyoming — to join their team. City Project encourages visionary marriage champions to form a Local Advisory Council. Melissa and Brady are recruiting local board members by following Carl’s advice to set up “coffee dates” and humbly listen to the visions and dreams of others. “Carl taught us how to have meaningful conversations and cast vision across the city,” they said. The Vandebergs found Carl’s “five questions” resource helpful to spark more meaningful conversation with pointed inquiry. Another lesson: Don’t create something and ask people to join you, bring people together and let the people shape and form the initiative. “One of the most helpful things SAMI has taught us is to be patient and wait for the right people to come along to create a powerful movement,” Melissa said. “You can’t do it alone. It takes a passionate team and a work of the Holy Spirit.” As they’ve continued to meet with people in the community casting the vision for a marriage initiative, God has now brought seven key individuals along to help them be successful, she reported. 

Data – Know your area. Analyze and become familiar with local statistics.

It helps to be well acquainted with the city and area you desire to affect. The Vandebergs identify first-hand with the challenges of rural communities in Wyoming where they’ve lived and raised a family for decades. They have close ties to many churches through their years of marriage ministry, mentoring, speaking and presenting marriage retreats and workshops across the state.

Research – find safe, quality resources that already exist in your area.

Once again, Brady and Melissa’s experience has been invaluable. Not only are they licensed coaches through Light University with decades of experience leading marriage events, they are undergirded by their association with FamilyLife, which provides continual support and resources as they plan Weekends to Remember as well as through the Local Expansion Movement for Wyoming. They’ve led Art of Marriage Weekends and Vertical Marriage events across the state, recruiting marriage champions, and connecting with churches. City Project recommends developing a team member with a talent for analysis to use search engines to review website offerings to find the safe, quality resources available in the community, which then can be publicized via electronic platforms.

Pillar 2 – Communication

Begin by creating a website based on the City Project template that connects all the different audiences and provides a trusted one-stop shop for marriage resources. The website is the key action item for any city to connect everyone in the marriage and family realm — churches, champions, counselors, schools — with events and resources. God connected the Vandebergs with a young mother with a heart for the cause who is gifted in web design. Her part-time hours fill Wyoming Strong Families Initiative’s need.

Another key step is for a team to become more strategic in their use of various social media platforms. Social media leads the aspirational narrative through a constant stream of messages offering help and hope and elevates marriage in cultural conversation. This also fulfills the goal of inspiration: reminding people that family is the most vital building block of our society and is worth fighting for. Brady, Melissa and their web designer and communications lead met with SAMI’s Dionna Sanchez for a social media 101. Melissa appreciated Dionna’s sharing what has been most successful and effective. “Dionna was very helpful to identify a start-up strategy without being overwhelming.”

City Project recommends creating a curated monthly newsletter for the public consumer to give families a better understanding of the breadth of opportunities across the community and to highlight the best selections. A second partner newsletter shares carefully chosen and thoughtfully organized news to engage leaders and connect them with like-minded peers. City Project provides a newsletter template. Its implementation is next on Wyoming Strong Families Initiative’s to-do list. Melissa said they are working to create a mailing list gleaned from participants at last year’s events and the churches with which they’ve been cultivating relationships. She noted identifying and securing contact information for newsletter recipients has been a place of struggle.

Pillar 3 - Partnerships:

Churches are one of the greatest assets and best opportunities for outreach where families can engage to develop strong foundations. The Vandebergs are collaborating with churches to develop, vitalize or support effective marriage ministry strategies. They’ve found churches are more willing to partner with Wyoming Strong Families Initiative because of the Vandebergs’ relationships and support. The largest church in Casper, one of the few with more than 100members, has already signed up to participate with Wyoming Strong Families Initiative.

85% of churches in Wyoming don’t have an organized marriage or family ministry, so part of thestrategy is to build upon catalytic events like the Art of Marriage or Vertical Marriage workshops to identify potential leaders. The Vandebergs will also train more lay leaders to increase church capacity. Increased supply will allow individuals and families to access trainings, studies and events and will create pathways for existing leaders and their resources to connect locally.

Community Leaders – Mobilize leaders in all sectors to champion marriages by empowering them to invest in their communities in their highest and best role. Brady and Melissa are meeting with representatives from business, schools, health care and social services to identify leaders willing to help. Counselors, coaches and therapists are other key audiences to cultivate. Melissa reported they have met with the largest Christian counseling center in their city. “Through humble inquiry, we discovered they struggle with demand being so great that appointments are being scheduled three weeks out. We discussed how referrals to our churches marriage mentors’ network could possibly help couples get the help they need more quickly. As well, we have planned to offer training in discernment counseling for their counselors and local marriage mentors.  Our hope is to collaborate with the local divorce attorneys and explain how they could point applicable couples to discernment counseling in our area.”  

As a Leadership Advisory Council begins to coalesce within a community, several logistical details need to be implemented. Initiatives will need to create a budget, include financial safeguards and work on donor development.

The City Project team provides support for those involved, holding monthly meetings and quarterly training events. Grant money is available for qualifying programs. City Project can help with the application process and requirement fulfillment. Melissa and Brady have fully taken advantage of all the help City Project provides in this area. They meet with Katie Ray, City Project’s Senior Manager, and Carl monthly, which Melissa reports “is so helpful to answer questions that crop up and receive inspiration and encouragement to keep taking next steps. The connections and help they have given us have been pivotal in being as far along as we are in only six months.” Wyoming Strong Families Initiative is applying for a CMI grant, a process which City Project supports. The team is currently reviewing the grant application. With experience as full-time FamilyLife missionaries, the Vandebergs encourage others in ministry not to be afraid to ask for financial support. “You are not begging for money,” Brady said. “You are giving someone an opportunity and inviting them to join in ministry and in God’s Kingdom work. They should be excited to participate.” The Vandebergs credit FamilyLife’s training on raising funds as missionaries invaluable.

As with all things worthwhile, building an initiative takes time. “It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon,” Brady said. Another piece of advice, letting it grow slowly is ok. City Project support helps them keep moving at a steady pace without getting hung up on an obstacle along the way. Advisory council team members will know the next steps and keep moving forward. “Our partnership looks different with each city,” Katie said. “Some are just starting, others have been doing this for years. But they are all passionate about serving marriages.”